Kari Tyree

My husband and I have vastly different expectations when it comes to dating each other. We agree it’s important to keep the spark of romantic love alive in our marriage, but the question of how to go about it meets different and sometimes conflicting attitudes from the two of us. If you’re in a relationship anything like ours, you know that it can be a challenge to find new and exciting date ideas when one of you wants to go dancing, paint together, or try one of those date-at-home boxes, and the other claims he would rather eat his own toenails than try any of that romantic, “cheesy” stuff.

Though we have disparate tastes, we both want the same things from our dates: to enjoy each other and to strengthen our marriage. Through the years of testing date ideas, we have found a few winners. These activities have enriched our relationship through everything from laughter and teamwork to deep philosophical conversations, and they pass the “non-mushy” test to please the sensible-minded while still meeting the need for connection time to satisfy the hopeless romantic. If you are looking for something to freshen your relationship other than the go-to dinner and a movie routine, consider these alternate date ideas. Since my husband and I have two small kids, these activities have the added benefits of being relatively inexpensive (or free) and not requiring that you hire a babysitter; you don’t have to leave the house (unless you want to).

1. Cribbage and Coffee
Break out this old-fashioned and charming card game, brush up on your addition skills, and race your peg around the track to get to the finish line first. Sip on your favorite beverage and let the conversation flow naturally as you both get the hang of the game. My husband and I spent many dates playing cribbage when we were engaged. It’s the perfect balance of skill and luck of the draw, so it doesn’t get too competitive (great if one of you doesn’t enjoy playing games unless he’s winning).

2. Cooperative Games
If newer, multi-faceted board games are more your thing, try a cooperative game in which you two must work together to win. The benefit of these games is the fact that you get to strategize with your partner instead of plotting secretly as in most traditional games. You might just find some new strengths as a couple while you take risks and compromise in order to beat the game. Our favorites are the pleasingly-complex Pandemic (save humanity from rampaging diseases) and the simpler, fantasy-infused Forbidden Island (rescue treasures from an island before you sink). An added bonus of gameplay: our discussion naturally centers on the game, saving us from figuring out how to stop talking about work and the kids.

3. Listen to the Radio
If you’re into podcasts, share a favorite with your spouse. Spending time appreciating something that the other person enjoys can increase the depth of your understanding of him or her. For a fun alternative, try listening to an old radio show, such as mystery theater from CBS Radio Mystery Theater. One advantage of listening to the radio or a podcast is that listening allows you to feel more present with each other than if you were watching a show. As Gary Chapman suggests in The Five Love Languages, “It isn’t enough to just be in the same room with someone. A key ingredient in giving your spouse quality time is giving them focused attention . . . the activity in which [you] are both engaged is incidental.” Even though you might still sit on the couch to listen to the radio, you might find you enjoy being able to look at each other instead of the screen as your individual responses to the story become part of the experience (a win for those of us more romantically inclined, or those whose love language is spending quality time).

4. Read Aloud
If you enjoy podcasts and radio, take your date one step further and read aloud to each other. One of the benefits of this activity is that it can take as little or as much time as you want to spend, since you can always find a good stopping point in a book and come back to it later. You may even find yourself looking forward to the next installment on your next date (no extra date planning required!). Since these dates need to suit those who may not be interested in the romantic comedies of the book world (i.e. Jane Austen), here are a few recommendations my husband and I have both enjoyed:

• If you’re a fan of biographies, try Amazing Grace by Eric Metaxas, which recounts the story of William Wilberforce, English politician and, most famously, champion of ending the slave trade in Britain. He also, however, worked to end animal cruelty and revive morality. My husband and I were challenged and inspired by this read.
• If you’re into fiction, try A Separate Peace by John Knowles. A haunting and exquisitely written story about friendship and loyalty set against the backdrop of the second world war, this book is aimed at younger readers yet presents themes worth exploring at any age. It sparked lively conversation between my husband and me.
• If you love poetry, break away from Shakespeare’s sonnets and read some A. E. Housman poems (hubby’s favorite) for their driving rhythm and rhyme schemes and for their darkly cynical, yet stolid view of the world. Check out the collection A Shropshire Lad; the less-romantically-inclined will not balk at these poems, and the two of you can relish in challenging your own view of the world when you discuss them. Is your view more positive than Housman’s? For a completely different approach, try reading some Gerard Manley Hopkins poetry (my favorite). Full of exuberant life, these poems will engage your imagination and set you thinking about the beauty of nature, but not romantic love (win!). For a start, look up “As Kingfishers Catch Fire,” “God’s Grandeur,” “Pied Beauty,” or “Spring.”

5. DIY Fondue
Using materials you might already have around the house, make your own fondue snack as a date activity by itself or to accompany one of the other ideas here. Light a few tea light candles and place them on a safe surface. Position a simple wire basket upside-down over the flames and put a small ramekin full of your favorite chocolate chips on top. The heat from the candles will gently melt the chocolate. Use skewers or toothpicks to dip goodies into the chocolate. Try marshmallows, cookies, fruits, and pretzels (all cut or broken into small bite-sized pieces). Everyone, romantic or not, loves a snack!